his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
