Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
