You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
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She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
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I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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