Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
