I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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