I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Watching her eat just hurts me
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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