Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
