Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
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At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
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I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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