ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize
