no you cant smoke seaweed
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
