fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
