ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
