pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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