Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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