oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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