I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
she peed on how many people?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
