he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
