I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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