A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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