Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
