There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
