Will you blow on my dice?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
