Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
