Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
