ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
