why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
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I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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