So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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