I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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