The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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