NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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