Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I think people are normalizing furries
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
