I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
