We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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