i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
