as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My life is pants optional.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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