Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
