It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize