I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
