Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I wish I only lived at night.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
