Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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