Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
