Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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