Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
