Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
