Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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