No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
