you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
