The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
