I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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