i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
