he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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