ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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