My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
