Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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