the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
