I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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