he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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