I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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