if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize