In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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