I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
